So, yeah, I tried Robot Unicorn Attack on my old G4 Powerbook the other day. (It’s over seven years old now, is only running OSX 10.2.9, but runs Opera perfectly well for general web use.) I survived for about three hours, by which time I’d reached about seven metres.
So, yeah, it runs, but it’s slow. Like, as slow as a zombie snail. With a broken leg. (Shush.)
My wife plays the game on her Samsung NC-10 netbook and it’s much faster, but still slower than it should be.
To show her how it should run, I started up the iPhone version and promptly got my best score ever and continued playing when I went for a poo. It’s not easy to put down once you start playing, especially with the sound on. And I’m sure my wife enjoyed hearing the tinny sounds of Erasure coming from the bathroom as I wrestled with a truculent stool.
The Zulu declared war again, as did the Indians and the Native Americans. (I was particuarly upset with them – I’d been the only civilization prepared to give them anything for centuries and had always refused when other civs told me to stop trading with them.)
Anyway, though I’d built up my forces, I hadn’t built them up enough. The Zulu stormed over my borders and wiped me out – all except one small city stuck between the mountains and the sea. They would have taken that, too, but I paid them off to get a peace treaty.
There was nothing left I could do, except sit back in my little city as the mighty Zulu gained a diplomatic victory.
The glorious Egyptian empire that had once covered half the globe was now a tiny, isolated state with no resources except corn and bananas and no power on the world stage. Our ancient cities were in the hands of the Zulu and we were left with a small city that had once, not so long ago, belonged to barbarians.
It hurts to see our cultural heritage and treasures in the hands of others but, still, we survived. That’s something.
Bloody Zulu and their Indian lapdogs. You see all those cities in Zulu territory to the west of my land? They used to be mine. Okay, so I left them almost completely undefended, but that’s because I was keeping all my neighbours happy. Was working well until the Zulu decided I was too close for comfort and declared way. I eventually managed to buy peace, but at the expense of about a third of my empire.
I can’t even get the help of other nations, as the Zulu are by far the most powerful civilization diplomatically. I’ve just got to try and keep them happy and see if I can launch a spaceship before they decide to take more of my land. I doubt it’s possible.
I did want to nuke them, but I don’t seem to have uranium to build any. Bother.
Anyway, back to it. I’ve got half an hour of lunchtime left.
I’m doing well. The terrible famine and slayings of earlier years is past – and left me with loads of spare clothes to trade with when merchants appear. I’ve got an underground farm going, finally, and I’m brewing alcoholic drinks, cooking food, making weapons and all sorts of amazing things.
I’m even in the process of building a throne room.
I’ve had a bit of trouble with rhesus macaques, but the dogs tend to chase them down and kill them, so they’re not a major nuisance.
It’s all going really, really well. Which means something’s bound to go horribly, horribly wrong soon.
Infamous ASCII-like game with one of the most obscure interfaces I’ve ever seen.
I’ve tried to play it before, but never very successfully. By which I mean that I started it up, failed to do anything, then quit.
For the first time, though, I’ve got somewhere. Sure, I’ve flooded all my lower floors after a floodgate disaster. Yes, my dwarves nearly starved to death and many of them went berserk and killed their friends. No, I can’t work out why my dwarves are leaving animal corspes lying around. And I can’t work out why no crops seem to be growing on my farm.
Still, I’m doing okay. I actually managed to dig out a multi-level fort before flooding it. I’ve made beds and a floodgate and lever to operate the floodgate. I’ve managed to trade with the merchants who arrived. I’m doing pretty well, all in all.
Adventure, puzzles and mini games completed. Am now dividing my time between a second tun through the adventure (it seems quite a bit harder this time round), the survival games and tending to my zen garden.
No, it’s not as good as Peggle. Why there don’t seem to be any high score modes when some of the game types are crying out for scores I don’t know. But it’s still ace.
Yeah, I’m playing on both operating systems. Doesn’t seem to be much between them, though the Mac version has crashed a couple of times for me.
Anyway, this is the new sensation sweeping the nation (Internet), so I’m sure you know all about it. PopCap do tower defense, basically, though it’s different from any other TD game I’ve played. (You’re always actually playing – you don’t get to set up your defenses and then sit back and watch. If you’re not adding more plants, then you’re at least collecting sunlight.) It’s very polished and hugely addictive, but the story mode has been very, very easy so far. I’m up to level 5-8 and haven’t died yet. It’s getting harder, though, so I don’t think I’ll be able to complete the adventure without dying.
It’s not Peggle, by any means, but it’s very good.
So now I’ve gone back and got the high score for all the levels that I’d not previously done. (Bit odd that I could clear any 100% without getting 300,000 points, but there were a surprising number of them.)
Now what do I do?
I have three levels left to complete 100%.
It’s never going to happen, I don’t think. It’s just got too hard. I’ve been trying that stupid level with the portals and the UFO for days. Days!