Mission.

Quit game.

Mission.

Quit game.

Start mission, look away from screen for a second, die and lose all my weapons.

Quit game.

Like that, you see. Just doing little bits of the game in bite-sized chunks.

I’m definitely coming to the conclusion that it’s pretty good despite being a bit rubbish. It really is awfully shoddy and quite empty, but the basics are there. A 3GS-exclusive sequel could be a thing of beauty, now they’ve got this far. Also, I still can’t quite believe I’m playing a character named P Thug. Urgh. In happier news, I was very pleased to win the first mission of chapter two – my first race – first time. I guess all the practice I’ve had messing around has helped.

Some people will make allowances because it’s on the iPhone. I won’t. A game’s a game. If a game doesn’t quite work because of the platform its on, it’s not suddenly a good game.

Gangstar is not magically a good game because it’s on the iPhone. It’s not even a good game because it’s only four quid, though that does help. It’s a good game because… no, I’m drawing a blank. Yet, somehow, through some voodoo, it is a good game. I play it, I enjoy myself. Maybe I shouldn’t try looking so hard.

Anyway, yes, I did a few missions, which were all incredibly simple and easy as anything. The only difficulty comes from driving into walls. I like the driving, but I’ve not mastered it yet. After a while I decided to spend my profits on a sniper rifle. I didn’t find anywhere good to play with it, but I killed a few people. Just because, you know, I could.

Then I stole an ambulance and took a few people to hospital before I lost control and ran out of time with some poor injured bugger still in the back. I guess they died back there. I ditched the ambulance and stole a sports car. Decided to drive around the map to see how long it would take, but ran over a few too many people, so got into a car chase and shoot out with the cops. You know, the usual GTA-type stuff.

Oh and the game has achievements. They’ve been popping up now and again. Here’s one I got for jacking a van.

I’ll have to have a look sometime, see if there are any that look interesting.

Well, it’s GTA. It’s closest to GTA 3, though set in a sparsely-populated Los Angeles, rather than a bustling Liberty City. Let’s not patronise it by being impressed that it’s running on a mobile phone, let’s just look at how good it is.

Well, it’s really pretty good. There aren’t many pedestrians, but there’s always one or two around. There’s not a lot of traffic, but you’ll never be short of something to steal.

The controls work surprisingly well. I’m not cutting them slack for being on a touch screen – they genuinely work. Running around is easy, with the best virtual stick I’ve used. Tapping a target to lock on to them isn’t trouble-free, but works better than targeting in many other GTA-type games, including those on the PS2. The tilt controls for steering add to the immersion and don’t get in the way. The only real problem is that the camera moves far too slowly, so trying to look behind you is something of a trial.

Missions I can’t really comment on, as I’ve only done a few of the early missions. I’ve only had to kill two people so far.

I’ve killed a lot more, though. I’ve mainly being going around, stealing cars, shooting people and being busted by the cops. I can’t really call it causing mayhem. If GTA is mass-murder, then this is a lesser crime. Scrumping apples, maybe. It keeps me occupied.

Though cut-down and somewhat empty, it’s a genuinely fun little game, even ignoring the whole “it’s a 3D GTA-style game on a phone!” thing.

There’s only really one thing wrong with it.

It’s a pretty big thing, though.

Let’s illustrate the problem with the magic of pictures.

Here I am, standing in a parking space.

Now let’s take a step forward.

You see the problem? Ignore the car, that just drove up between shots. Look at the big, solid piece of scenery that’s appeared right in front of me. Look at how a sliver of building on the right has become a whole office block.

Yes, the draw distance is terrible. Large buildings pop up quite far away, smaller scenery objects closer. Textures pop in all over the place. It looks horrible. If you look more than a few feet away from your character, the city becomes one massive, ever-changing mess. When driving it causes real problems, with things popping into existence too late for you to plan a route or avoid smashing into them. It’s really, really bad, though it doesn’t ruin the game. It does its best, but I’ve still been playing whenever I can.

Bottom line, my first impressions suggest that it’s worth four quid if you like this sort of thing. It’s never going to convert anyone to the joys of the crime sandbox, but if it’s a genre you like, this will be a game you like. Maybe not love, unless you’re fourteen and think throwing gang signs is, like, really cool, but definitely like.