Doodle God, though, I can’t stand. I spent half an hour or more with it last night, trying to like it, but I just don’t get it. It’s selling well, it’s got good word of mouth, but I don’t think I’ll ever understand why.

Basically, you’ve got “elements”. You start with earth, air, fire and water and by combining two of these you make new elements and then you combine them to form even more elements until you’ve got plasma and swamps and ghosts and all sorts of things.

So you pick a category of elements, choose one of the them, then pick another category, choose another element and see if they combine to form a new one. That’s it.

Pick one from the left, one from the right, see if anything happens. Most of the time, it doesn't.

It all boils down to randomly clicking little boxes in the hope of generating more little boxes. Why people are finding this interesting, I do not know. It reminds me of being stuck in an adventure game and randomly clicking inventory items to see if you can make something out of them.

So it’s an entire game based on the boring, annoying bit of another genre.

A waste of 59p and a waste of time. It might be something you’ll enjoy, but it makes me angry just thinking about it – especially because I’ll no doubt start it up again sometime to try to see it the way other people are seeing it and end up pissed off that I’ve wasted precious minutes of my life when I could be doing something more fun like contracting malaria or peeling the skin off my cock or something.

And let’s not get started on the cycnical fucking way they’ve shoved “Doodle” into the name of the game to try and increase sales.

Okay, okay, deep breath. I’m beginning to turn green and my shirt feels tight (though, oddly, my shorts are fine), so I better stop typing now and think about kittens or something.