Remind Me of the Babe – Defeated the Sons of Samedi – The first one was for defeating one of the gangs, the faux-voodoo Sons of Samedi. They were no trouble, really, despite their voodoo-doll based powers.

Going the Distance – Threw someone a long, long way – One of the Activities in the game involves protecting celebrities from crazed fans. Sometimes the best way to protect them is to throw their fans off tall buildings, which is how I got this Achievement.

Love Thy Neighbor – Grabbed 50 human shields – I think this one speaks for itself. Sometimes I let them live.

Seppuku – Defeated the Ronin – Another gang defeated. A final fight on a burning boat, a sword fight. It was easy, but took a while and I wished I could just whip out my gun and shoot the boss.

Brother’s Keeper – Defeated the Brotherhood – And the third gang went down. Again, no trouble. (This might well be down to dual-wielding Kobra pistols with unlimited ammo, possibly the best thing I’ve unlocked all game.)

A Brighter Future – Defeated the Ultor Corporation epilogue – And that was the main story done. But that wasn’t the end, oh no.

Do Not Talk About It – Completed all levels of Fight Club – Melee combat mini-game, don’t think I failed a level. It’s not very hard.

Hello 47 – Killed all Hitman targets – My favourite Achievement name and my favourite Activity. Having read on a forum that it’s impossible to do these missions without referring to a FAQ, I decided to do it without cheating. Took me ages to find one target, but that was the only trouble I had. Excellent, satisfying tasks.

Vengeance – Exacted revenge on Julius – I suspect that if you’ve played the first game to completion, this Achievement description contains a huge spoiler. However, this secret final mission made little sense to me. I found out how to start it online and was slightly annoyed, as I’d already been very close to finding it myself. Fun mission, though.

Ambulance Chaser – Completed all levels of Insurance Fraud – This involves throwing yourself in front of cars and getting lucky with traffic spawns. Had to restart a few levels, but apart from level six of one of the instances I didn’t have any problems.

Reality Star – Completed all levels of FUZZ – Dress up as a cop, indulge in great brutality to help the ratings of a reality TV show. Brilliant fun. I wish there was more of this one.

Of course, that doesn’t include the random messing about, buying houses and businesses, the other Activities I’ve played but not completed or any Diversions. There are still some Activities, like Demolition Derby and Drug Trafficking, that I’ve not even tried yet. It’s the game that keeps on giving.

Now, if I could unlock infinite shotgun ammo for my pimp cane…

Oh, and the new pistol I unlocked the night before last is awesome.

And I also got my second Achievement last night, for singing along to the radio. Um, okay.

However, it’s also very, very fun. It’s a packed sandbox of fun and frolics. The first few hours are just constant discovery. Things you do in GTA games for fun trigger little diversions. I went into aim mode and pointed my gun at a pedestrian to see what would happen. I expected them to swear at me or run off, instead I triggered a little mugging mini game, where you have to keep your gun aimed at a person until they drop their money. I hijacked a car with a passenger, which started a little hostage-taking mini game. Just lots and lots of small things like that.

In the original Saints Row there was always this awful feeling that the developers just might be trying to take things seriously, now there’s no doubt that everything’s being played for laughs.

And I created a character who’s a heavily-bearded, morbidly obese English chap, which adds to the fun. Especially when I’m wearing my lovely green and pink tube top.

Stingy with the Achievements, though. In five or so hours of play I’ve managed to get five points.

A few missions done, bit of buggering about, the usual.

I’ve pimped my Raycaster out good, in purple and brass. I’m so cool.

Oooh, look at me, using the word “pimped” without thinking about it.

Just come off a five and a half hour mega session of this while my poor jet-lagged wife slept beside me. Finished off the Vice Kings storyline, started and finished the Demolition Derby missions, bought some new jewellery, populated my garage a bit, that sort of thing.

I’ve even been customising my cars, incredibly. I wouldn’t normally bother, but I don’t think you can lose cars in this game. I think if you blow them up you can still get them repaired.

Anyway, it’s terrific fun.

Odd.

Lots of fun this evening, but the side missions that have to be done between main missions are getting very tricky now.

And its attempts to be funny are buttock-clenchingly horrible.

It’s a GTA clone with none of the wit, imagination or intelligence of Rockstar’s masterpiece in terms of script or world.

But at its core, on a base game level – physics, controls, interface, mission design – it takes the GTA formula and – whisper it – makes a number of brilliant improvements, which all goes to make it huge amounts of fun.

Yes, fun.

It’s just massive, massive FUN.

And, before we forget, incredibly awful.

I can forgive the rubbish wrapping paper, because the present inside is so great. But I understand why people can’t.

Cash for pipe bombs.