Not only was it a seemingly endless parade of “run here, trigger cut scene, run back, trigger cut scene, run here, trigger cut scene” but something about it has left me feeling physically ill. I assume something about the graphics (framerate?) but the voice acting is bad enough that it might be the cause.

Just… imagine Oblivion, but from a parallel universe where everything about Oblivion went wrong. It’s Oblivion with a sinister goatee. And one leg. One arthritic leg. One gangrenous, arthritic leg, limping jerkily in the general direction of… of… of… I dunno. Vomit, maybe. A giant lake of vomit.

It looks awful, it sounds awful, the quest design (at least for the forty-five minutes I played) is beyond awful, the combat is… almost serviceable, actually, if quite dull, but having to fight boring wolves and boars every six yards gets old, fast.

This is going cheap on the Internet these days, but your time is worth more than this. Even if you’re an unemployed immortal who has played every other game ever made, go and draw a pretty picture or help someone across the road or something. Just don’t play this. It’s not worth it.

Mind you, maybe it gets better…