It's definitely Worms.

I’ve tried practice mode and some quick games. The graphics are lovely and the sound samples are intact and create one of the warmest glows of nostalgia in all of gaming. It’s all very Worms, though, as always, I’m missing some weapons. Is there a drill? If there is, I haven’t seen it.

The controls, though. Oh, the controls. They’re not awful – though the ninja rope seems almost impossible to control – but they’re complicated enough to cause problems. The sensitivity seems a bit wrong, too. Jumping seems to happen too often, while dragging the aiming reticle into an exact position seems to be far harder than it should be.

I’ve not played it an awful lot, though. I’m hoping that with time I’ll be flying about the place and sending weapons flying with amazing precision. There’s just a barrier here that you don’t have with a mouse and keyboard.

Impossible!

I honestly, honestly want to like it, want to love it, but the more I play the more disappointed I am.

I don’t know if it’s my memory or the game, but the physics don’t feel right. It feels like everything’s too heavy, or that the game’s playing out underwater, or something. It’s just slightly off, but things just don’t seem to behave as they should. The ninja rope doesn’t feel quite right, either. I don’t know if it’s me or the game, but I can’t seem to hook myself over things, it’s like the length changes a little too slowly. Thinking back, though, I don’t think I’ve ever got on with the ninja rope on any console version before.

And the selection of weapons seems ever more stingy and drab.

Why couldn’t this have been the first 150MB Live Arcade game? Packed with all the customisation and weapons we could ever want? Why couldn’t it be Ultimate Worms instead of Worms Lite?

It’s a missed opportunity and it’s a crying shame.

The core gameplay is there, unquestionably. The game just works fine and is good old Worms… what there is of it. It’s what there isn’t that’s the problem. There’s just so much missing. The crates don’t explode properly. There’s no petrol bomb, no baseball bat, no drill. Customisation options are sorely lacking. I’ve not yet seen a mine fizzle out, nor seen any weapons apart from the standard ones come out of crates.

And the first time I played I did a load of challenges and while it saved progress in those – I was the 92nd fastest player in the world on Challenge 2, last I checked – it didn’t save my team stats. I thought the delays were to get rid of bugs?

It’s a real shame, because there’s an engine here with so much potential. There are people who can look at this game and be very proud of what they’ve created. But it’s just the skeleton, there’s no meat. I am genuinely missing things. I’ve wanted to use the baseball bat a couple of times. I’ve wanted Worms to dance around on beds of fire. I’ve wanted to drill down on to a Worm positioned directly below me.

It is a very, very good Worms Lite. It’s just not the real thing.

(And can I delete the foreign language Worm voices, please? I really don’t want to hear them when playing.)