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Author's Note
"I am Queen Sarina, guider of the ship
"Gotham" from the Anzxop Galaxy.
We come in peace, unless we find you ... displeasing. Bow to me now."
**I am by no means a Star Trek expert. Please forgive me if I don't remember the proper
names of things, people, galaxies, or lingo. Also, the only Star Trek I've ever watched is
the old one, so this script will be based on that.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mrs. B. Wayne Playhouse
proudly presents...
Queen Sarina & Her Starship
"Gotham"
By Sarina Wayne
There is a ship cruising through the stars. It is black, and shaped
a little like a bat. On board, we have several humanoid woman: one is the commander and
the rest are her crew. The commander is dressed in a very skimpy outfit. Starting with her
feet, she has thigh-high lilac boots with about a 5" heel. A G-string type outfit,
lilac and white, that crisscrosses around to cover her breasts, barely. She is very well
built, and her body is toned and tan. Her hair is thick and blonde and up in a ponytail,
but even so it still reaches to her waist. She wears a small, jeweled crown on her head.
The other women are similarly dressed, but not in the color of lilac. Around their waists
are holsters. In the holsters are some kind of a weapon. Some sort of phaser gun, it's not
small, but not too large. They are busy with their work as the ship's communicator is
blaring away...
Radio: --must identify yourselves immediately! We will assume you are hostile and take
appropriate action! Unidentified ship, answer this call!
Queen Sarina: (to herself, annoyed) Why doesn't he shut up?
Radio: --you are approaching a Federation Space Station! Identify yourselves immediately!
QS: A space station? Is that where that racket is coming from? That sounds interesting.
I'll answer the poor beast and tell him we'll be right over. :: looking around:: Where's
the communicator? Ah, here. Hello? Hello there?
Radio: I hear you. Identify yourself!
QS: I am Queen Sarina. I wish to land my ship and enjoy your station. Let me land!
Radio: Negative!! You cannot land here unless you have prior authorization! This is a
Federation Space Station --
QS: (to herself) Really? I'm quite sure I can get authorization. (to her crew) Put me on
visual.
As the screen shows the space station crew member, he also gets to see Queen Sarina as she
seductively stands up out of her commanding chair, as well as her crew standing around the
bridge.
QS: Allow me to land. Yes or .. no?
With the "no," she makes a little sad face.
The space station communications officer put his eyes back in his head and turned to his
commanding officer.
Radio officer: Sir, uh, I think you'd better take a look at this...
Commander: What is it -- whoa!
RO: Can I clear them to land?
C: By all means. Let them right in!
Back on the ship...
Radio: (happily) Queen Sarina and crew, you are cleared for landing.
QS: (smiling) Yes, of course.
Later, the ship lands and Queen Sarina and two of her crew members are walking out of the
ship on the little ramp thing. One of the crew is chewing gum. The person in charge of the
space station has come out to meet them. Queen Sarina walks right up to him.
QS: I am Queen Sarina, guider of the ship "Gotham" from the Anzxop Galaxy.
We come in peace, unless we find you ... displeasing. Bow to me now.
He doesn't bow.
A: I am Androx Galthsel, Commanding Officer of this space station --
ZAP! The crew member with the gum zaps the commander, obliterating him instantly.
QS: How disappointing. I hope not all are so stupid.(she starts yelling) Attention! I am
Queen Sarina! Do not underestimate me or my crew or you will suffer the same fate as your
leader! He has not been killed, he is merely.... transported. You will grant me and my
crew all access to this station and bestow upon me the respect I deserve or else HE DIES!
And you with him! Do not attempt to touch, accost, or arrest me or any member of my crew
or there will further cause for altercation!
She looks around at the people staring at her, then calmly walks into the station.
Over in communications, the Radio Officer is once again shouting into his device. His plea
is received by a certain Federation Starship....
Uhura: Captain, I'm receiving a distress call from Space Station 23AA.
CK: Put it through, Lieutenant.
Radio: --need emergency assistance! Any Starship in the vicinity --
CK: Mr. Sulu, set a course for Space Station 23AA at warp factor 8.
S: Aye-aye, Sir. Warp factor 8.
CK: (to officer) This is Captain Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. We're... on our way. Can
you tell us what happened?
RO: There's a woman here claiming to be Queen Sarina from Anzxop Galaxy. She's holding our
commanding officer hostage!
An hour later, on board the space station, Queen Sarina and her crew are having a little
drink in the bar. Captain Kirk walks in with Mr. Spock and a couple of security officers.
The crew girls see them and stand up ready to shoot. Queen Sarina doesn't move. Kirk walks
over.
CK: (bowing) Excuse me... are you Queen Sarina?
QS: (looks up at him) Yes.
CK: My name is Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. I would be most honored if
I would be allowed to ... speak with you for a moment.
QS: Hmmm. I'll finish my drink.
The women still have their guns pointed at Kirk while Queen Sarina takes her time
finishing her drink. She then stands up, walks around the table so she is face to face
with Kirk.
QS: If you want to speak with me, you must first genuflect properly.
CK: Oh?
QS: Yes. Kiss my shoe.
Kirk stops for a minute, looks over at Spock, who raises an eyebrow. Kirk looks at Queen
Sarina's crew members who are pointing their weapons right at him. He bends down to kiss
her shoe. Right as he's about to touch her shoe with his lips, Queen Sarina kicks him hard
in the head and he falls backwards into a table. The girls start laughing, but stop
quickly when they see the security officers reach for their phasers. Captain Kirk,
meanwhile, wipes the blood off his face.
QS: Captain Kirk! I've heard of you! The Klingon leader calls you Captain Jerk of the
U.S.S. Consolation Prize!
She laughs. The girls laugh too.
CK: (angrily) What have you done with Commander Galthsel!?
QS: Oh, I don't want to talk about that now. Come! Show me the rest of this station! I
won't kick you again. ::whispers seductively:: I promise.
By this time, Kirk has picked himself up off the floor.
CK: Anzxop galaxy...that's... 3 light years away from here.
QS: (sighing, walks around) Yes, it is. It has been a very long journey, Captain.
CK: And as I recall, the only inhabitable planet was destroyed by a meteor...
Sarina puts up her hand to stop him from saying any more.
QS: Yes, it's true. A rather painful memory. Our home -- our beloved Gotham Planet. There
is no one and nothing left. Only my small crew, our ship, a few... recruits we've picked
up along the way. Captain, we only want to relax a bit. We'll soon be on our way.
CK: (concerned) On your way... to where?
QS: Earth, Captain. We are traveling to Earth. We must find our God.
CK:(even more concerned) On Earth? Who... is your God?
QS: The Knight, Captain. We are protected by the Knight. We must find him.
CK: The night? What... night? What are you talking about?
QS: (frustrated) The Dark Knight! Are you so stupid you don't know who that is!
CK: (trying to comprehend) The.. dark night...
Spock: Fascinating. Captain, I believe Her Majesty, Queen Sarina, may be referring to that
comic book character created on Earth in the 20th Century known as "Batman."
QS: (to herself) Thank Bat we're not completely surrounded by idiots! (to Spock) You
should be captain, not that moron! (pointing to Kirk)
S: Thank you, Your Majesty.
Kirk looks at Spock with a reproachful glance.
QS: If you want, I'll bump him off now and save you some trouble...
S: That will not be necessary, Queen Sarina. I plan to work my way up through the ranks,
as they say, in accordance with Federation regulations.
QS: Well, have it your way.
CK: I'm afraid I have some rather bad news for you ladies. How do I put this... This
"God" you seek, this... Batman... he doesn't really... exist...on Earth. He's a
fictional character... from a comic book...
The girls all look disappointed.
QS: Damn! That figures. Well, no sense in going to Earth now. We might as well unpack and
stay here!
CK: Uh, no, ladies, I'm afraid you can't do... that either.
The male staff of the station look disappointed.
CK: We can, however, arrange to find you a suitable place to live through the Federation
Relocation Program.
QS: Well, I suppose something can be worked out. That would be nice of you, Captain.
(apologetically) I'm sorry I kicked you. It's pent up frustration. We've been in that ship
a long time!
Kirk smiles his charming smile.
CK: All is forgiven, Your Majesty. Now... about Commander Galthsel?
QS: Oh, yes. Girls?
One of the crew girls aims her gun away from everyone, and with a flash of light,
Commander Galthsel is returned, covered in lipstick kisses.
CG: What the -- What's going on? Where am I? (screaming) Send me back, send me back!!!
QS: He's been locked up in the ship. I'm afraid our guards take a more
"hands-on" approach to securing prisoners.
Suddenly Queen Sarina's crew are surrounded by male Space Station crew begging to be
arrested. Kirk pulls Queen Sarina aside for a little "tete-a-tete."
CK: (smiling) Hands on, Your Majesty? Well, in the interest of... future relations between
our cultures, perhaps you could.. demonstrate to me exactly what these methods are.
QS: Why, Captain, I'd be delighted! Come! I have handcuffs here in my shoe.
They leave the room together as the crew girls are happily zapping everyone over to their
ship.
TA-DA! THE END!
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