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Chris Small writes For Miss Gordon's Love <Loren begins: Chris (CS_bwayne@hotmail.com) boldly wrote: : : The point of fact is: I love Babs, (sorry Dick and Loren, ;-) ) Loren: WHAT?!? You *dare* to challenge my love for her?!? :) (Loren fumes. Mariachi band begins to play. :) ) Dick: I think a duel's in order, Loren. Loren: So be it! I'll let no man come between fair Miss Gordon and myself! (Loren fetches his rapier.) Loren: Draw your sword, ruffian!! (Chris grabs hold of a broad sword, and Loren gets momentarily anxious.) Loren (to himself): This may be harder than I thought. No matter. Anything for the lovely Barbara! <Chris Continues:> Chris pauses, to think. "Wait a minute Loren, do you think Babs Would appreciate us fighting over her like this?" He lowers his sword. "She's against violence you know...." He tosses the sword aside. "And isn't is a bit sexist to fight over a girl like this? I mean, she's got more say in the matter then we do...." "And besides, don't we both want to see her with Dick?" Chris sakes his head. "Let's not fight over this.... besides, what would 'The Batman' think?" <Loren:> Loren: Batman? Batman?!? Ha! That pillar of stone doesn't know what love means! [A shadowy figure silently cascades down a nearby building.] Loren: He's so obtuse when it comes to emotions, you'd need Electro-shock treatment to get a reaction out of him! [The caped man walks toward the spouting man with the rapier.] Loren: Why, if he were here right now, I'd -- Batman: You'd what? [Loren jumps two stories, and after falling on his but, picks himself up off the ground, and nervously turns to meet the Caped Crusader's steely gaze.] Loren: I...I'd...umm...uh...I'd, uh, like to shake his hand, and tell him what a great costume he's got! [Chris tries to contain his laughter. Loren offers his hand to Batman, but the Dark Knight ignores it, and glares with even greater magnitude.] Batman: I came here because I heard there was going to be a fight -- a duel, if I'm not mistaken. Dick: Gee, Batman, they were just getting ready for that. Lucky you dropped by. Batman: Well, what are you two waiting for, then? [Chris looks dumbfounded, and can't believe Batman would condone this.] Loren: What's the matter, Chris? Are you...chicken?!? :)
Today's episode: [Chris looks dumbfounded, and can't believe Batman would condone this.] Loren: What's the matter, Chris? Are you...chicken?!? :) Chris looks at the man that appears to be Batman, unbelieving that he wants the duel to go on.... "bu... but...." Loren: "Yep a Chicken" Dick: Sure looks like a Chicken Huntress: I gees he's a chicken. Spoiler: A Chicken. Jim Morrison: Are you a lucky little lady in the City of light? or another lost angel? City of Night! City of Night! {Everyone looks at Jim, he looks around, realizes he doesn't belong here, and disappears} Catwoman: a Chicken? Amygalda <sp?> Chickens are good! Joker: BWAHAHAHA! A CHICKEN! Tim: Ahyap. Definitely a Chicken Batman: ................. Chris can't believe this is happening, then it dawns upon him: it must be a trick, Batman and the others need Loren and Chris to duel, either for a distraction, or to fit into a carefully laid out plot to catch a criminal. "okay....." Chris picks up his sword and advances upon Loren. -- ~Chris (this is getting WAY outa hand......) <MsBWayne <msbwayne@aol.com>:> >> Loren: Batman? Batman?!? Ha! That pillar of stone doesn't know what love >> means! >> Loren: He's so obtuse when it comes to emotions, you'd need Electro-shock >> treatment to get a reaction out of him! >> (Mrs. Wayne looks over at Loren with a raised eyebrow....her deceivingly delicate hands caressing a recently sharpened Batarang....)
>Chris picks up his sword and advances upon Loren. Sarina: (whispering) Hey, Loren! I brought you Bruce's best sword, from his fabulous collection. You've always been so nice to me, and after all I suppose Batsy *can* be a little glacial when he's out fighting crime.. Well, here you go...Bye! And good luck! <Loren:> For Miss Gordon's Love: The Quinn Factor! Previously, on "For Miss Gordon's Love"... Detective Sergeant Loren of the GCPD calls Chris a chicken, after offering him a duel for the love of Barbara Gordon...
[Loren realizes that Chris' broad sword will easily destroy him and his rapier. He resorts to a more cunning approach, drops his sword, and points behind Chris, toward a nearby cliff.] Loren: Holy geez! Babs, what're you doing here?!? Chris: I'm not falling for that old trick, Loren. Loren: Damn!! [Loren runs around in a circle, with Chris following behind, so that they return to where they were shortly before Loren started running. Loren stops, then points to the same cliff.] Loren: Holy geez! Chris, look out behind you! Chris: *Now* who's the -- [But Loren was telling the truth. Suddenly, a red-and-black-dressed figure falls out of the sky, with a big rubber chicken in her hands. She proceeds to bop Chris over the head with it, as she gracefully lands on solid ground (meaning, onto Chris).] Harley: Chicken? Glad I could come up with one for ya, Chris! Thanks fer breakin' my fall. [Chris gets up, still dazed from the chicken.] Chris: Wha...Babs...that you? Harley: Sorry, kid. It ain't Christmas yet. Loren: Gee, Harley, I sure am glad to see you. Lookin' great, as always. I owe ya one, girl! Harley: Yeah. Remember that the next time my puddin' gets collared by one o' your stupid cop friends. Loren: You got it, Harl. Jim Morrison: You know the day destroys the night, the night divides the day... [Batman thinks to himself, "Hmm...I see where he's coming from."] Harley: Hey, Jim boy! Quit yappin' before I bop ya one!! [Chris fully regains his composure.] Chris: Okay, Loren. I see you don't want to have a duel. How about we finish this like men, then? Loren: You, mean, like, a fist fight? Helena: *Now* we're getting somewhere! Tim: I'll give 50 to 1 odds against Loren! Dick: Hey, Tim, you can't even legally bet yet...I'll give 200 to 1!! Stephanie: Oooh, me too! Chris is dreamy! Tim: Hey! What about me?!? Stephanie: Oops...umm... Selina: Say, Batman...what do you say me and you -- [Batman offers her a steely glare.] Selina: Ooookay...maybe not... Amygdala: Chris smash! Joker: Mig, you traitor! You've been reading too many Hulk comics! [Chris starts to roll up his sleeves.] Loren: But...umm...I don't want to break your nose, or anything... Why don't we solve this another way? [Chris, figuring that Loren's too scared to fight him, plays along.] Chris: Alright...what did you have mind? Harley: Oooo! I know! I know -- a poker game! I'm dealin'!! [Harley seemingly pulls a card dealer's visor out of thin air, and puts it over her head. A playing table and chairs are luckily nearby.] Harley: Okay, gals and gents, pull up a chair! Puddin', can you lend me some cards? [The Joker provides Miss Quinn with a number of business cards, upon which is inscribed, "Mr. Ime A. Joker, Professional Mass Murderer, Comedian, and all-around Neat Guy. For belly-aching laughs or gut-splitting knife fights, call 1-888-I-KILL-ME."] Harley: Oooo, that's why I love ya! [She then fishes around in the Joker's pocket for a set of playing cards.] Harley: Everybody ready? ... Will Chris beat Loren at straight poker? Could this be the end for Loren and Babs? Will Amygdala smoke one of the Joker's famous cigars and live to tell about it? Tune in tomorrow, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel! <Chris:> Loren Di Iorio wrote: (edited the way 'last episode' adds on TV are, to highlight major points, but come out misleading...) > Previously, on "For Miss Gordon's Love"... > > Detective Sergeant Loren of the GCPD calls Chris a chicken, after offering > him a duel for the love of Barbara Gordon... > > > [Chris looks dumbfounded, and can't believe Batman would condone this.] > > > > Loren: What's the matter, Chris? Are you...chicken?!? :) > > > > Chris looks at the man that appears to be Batman, unbelieving that he > > wants the duel to go on.... "bu... but...." > > > > Loren: "Yep a Chicken" > > > > > [Loren realizes that Chris' broad sword will easily destroy him and his > rapier. He resorts to a more cunning approach, drops his sword, and > points behind Chris, toward a nearby cliff.] > > > Loren: Holy geez! Chris, look out behind you! > > Chris: *Now* who's the -- > > [But Loren was telling the truth. Suddenly, a red-and-black-dressed figure > falls out of the sky, with a big rubber chicken in her hands. She > proceeds to bop Chris over the head with it, as she gracefully lands on > solid ground (meaning, onto Chris).] > > Jim Morrison: You know the day destroys the night, the night divides the > day... > > [Batman thinks to himself, "Hmm...I see where he's coming from."] > Chris: Okay, Loren. I see you don't want to have a duel. How about we > finish this like men, then? > > Loren: You, mean, like, a fist fight? > > Stephanie: Oooh, me too! Chris is dreamy! > > Tim: Hey! What about me?!? > > Stephanie: Oops...umm... > > Selina: Say, Batman...what do you say me and you -- > > [Batman offers her a steely glare.] > > Selina: Ooookay...maybe not... > > Loren: But...umm...I don't want to break your nose, or anything... > Why don't we solve this another way? > > [Chris, figuring that Loren's too scared to fight him, plays along.] > > Chris: Alright...what did you have mind? > > Harley: Oooo! I know! I know -- a poker game! I'm dealin'!! > > [Harley seemingly pulls a card dealer's visor out of thin air, and puts it > over her head. A playing table and chairs are luckily nearby.] > > > Harley: Oooo, that's why I love ya! > > [She then fishes around in the Joker's pocket for a set of playing cards.] > > Harley: Everybody ready? > > ... > Will Chris beat Loren at straight poker? > Could this be the end for Loren and Babs? > Will Amygdala smoke one of the Joker's famous cigars and live to tell > about it? > > Tune in tomorrow, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel! Chris receives his cards, with a knowing nod to Loren. No one but they notice tiny mirrors imbedded onto the corners of the cards, which they use to keep a careful eye on the criminals gathered about. in the heat of the game, no one notices Batman slip into the shadows, Dick and Huntress take position behind Joker, Spoiler and Robin behind Amygalda. Jim slips Harley some sleeping pills.....(in revenge for the rubber chicken threat), but doesn't notice Catwoman steal his guitar and slip away..... There's a tense moment as both Loren and Chris pause at the game. Then the drugs take effect, and Harley passes out.... Joker: WHAT?! he leaps up... "What is going on here?" Realizing the carefully laid out plan to prove that the Joker drowned a man in lime Jello(tm) is awash Loren and Chris also jump up revealing their pistols, Chris turns, pointing at Amygalda, Loren at Joker, Loren: Don't move! Chris: GCPD! Joker grins evilly, revealing a dead man's switch in his left hand "Oh reeeaaalllllyyy?" Joker lets it go, and a green gas begins to fill the air. soon all sight is lost in the green mist Chris: Where? Loren: I can't see a thing! Chris: Damn! We're gonna lose him! Manalical Laughter fills the air "Gotcha!" BANG! shots ring out..... "Will the Joker's gas harm our heroes? Who did he 'get'? Will Catwoman get away? Will Jim or Harley die, naked in their sleep tonight? Will someone reveal which came first, the chicken, or the egg? Will Babs ever make an appearance? Stay tuned next week! The smoke starts to clear, revealing... Stephanie: Aieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Oh no! Why?!? Why'd it have to be him?!? Lying there, shot full of lead, was Jim Morrison. Stephanie started sobbing intensely. Jim: ...breakfast where the news is read, television children fed, unborn living, living, dead, bullet strikes the helmet's head. It's all over, baby, all over... Stephanie: Noooo!!!!!!! The devastated Spoiler dashes over to the array of weapons (the rack upon which Chris and Loren were originally supposed to have chosen their dueling accoutrements), and picks up a morning star, running with it toward the Joker. Joker: Is this a Smurf wielding a large, painful object I see before me? Amygdala: Spoiler, no! Amygdala picks up the petite crime-fighter with one hand, isolating her from the Joker, and throwing away the morning star. Soon after, a tapping sound can be heard behind the towering figure. It's Robin, who's trying to stop Amygdala with his bo staff. It's not working. Robin: Let her go!! Amygdala: Quiet, runt! Amygdala bats Robin away with his other arm, and the Boy Wonder falls to the ground, unconscious. Chris: Drop her! Loren: You heard the man, Amygdala! Do it, now!! The ogre just keeps squeezing the Spoiler to death, and with a nod passed between the two cops, they open fire. Two bullets hit, then five. Amygdala isn't affected by them. They keep firing, and finally, the giant releases his grasp, and falls to the floor. Stephanie writhes in pain alongside him. Further off, Catwoman continues to run away with Jim's guitar. Batman appears out of nowhere, and thrusts his cape out into the air, which seems to grow to three times its normal length (KJ style), effectively blocking Selina's path. Selina: Oooo, I just *love* it when a man welcomes me with open arms! Batman envelopes her in his cape, quickly shutting off her supply of oxygen, and she faints in his grasp. He secures both the burglar, and the guitar, and disappears again. Meanwhile, the Joker squares off again Nightwing and the Huntress... Joker: Didn't I already kill you once? Dick: You screwed up big time. I'm gonna have to make sure they feed you some of that lime Jello (tm) of yours, when you get back to Arkham. An arrow shoots through the air, straight into the Joker's gun-holding hand. Joker: Aaaaaah!! Helena: Nightwing, can't you just can the talk sometimes? Shoot first, you know? Dick: Look, just forget about it, okay? Helena: Why should I? Don't you see? You're becoming more like *him*! "Don't worry, Joker, you're going back to Arkham!" When're you gonna realize that he deserves to die? Dick: When are *you* gonna figure it out? That's not the way we're supposed to do things, Huntress. If I'm becoming Batman, then you're turning into someone like the Joker! Helena: How *dare* you!! The Huntress prepares to fire one of her arrows at Nightwing, but she gets bonked by a large fist to the head, fired from an otherwise normal looking pistol. Harley: Can it, sister!! The sleeping pills wore off, and Harley was a little agitated. Harley: The Wingman's kinda cute, so don't go messin' him up. That's *my* job. Without another word, she jumps on top of Nightwing, forcing him to the ground. Harley: Hey, baby, howzabout I introduce ya to a little gadget o' mine. Puddin' calls him "Buzz", but I prefer "Mista Chainsaw". The harlequin amazingly produces a miniature chainsaw, about the size of her arm, and starts it up. She then gets a grapple tossed around her, and is pulled toward a dark, shadowy figure. Looking up at the Caped Crusader, she whines... Harley: <gulp>...help?!? ...and everything turns dark for her. The Joker is left all alone, blocked on either side by two of Gotham's finest boys in blue. Chris: It's all over, Joker. Joker: Aw, and we were just getting to know each other! If you wait just a few more seconds, a big friend of mine will be here real soon. He has a knack for pulverizing people, and he's already taken down ol' Bats once before. Can you stupid cops figure out our mystery player? Loren looks over toward Chris. Loren: You don't think he could mean...? Chris: It's not possible...there's no *way*... ... Just *who* is this mysterious villain? Will anyone else join the party? And whatever happened to Babs?!? Tune in next week! Same Bat-time! Same Bat-channel! heheh this is getting long I hope people aren't getting too agitated by our antics. If they are then.... oh well too bad for them ;-) Previously: Co-director Loren Di Iorio wrote: {{I Just snipped this}}
Loren looks over toward Chris. Loren: You don't think he could mean...? Chris: It's not possible...there's no *way*... A choppy wind fills the air.... Loren and Chris turn in unison to the figure that advances upon them. Loren: Gasp! Chris: Ohhhhh boy.... Joker: AH HAHAHAHAH! ahah he erm... uhm.... bye bye now! The Joker turns and runs away. Loren and Chris are left alone, starring up at the colossal figure looming above them . Loren: A Giant bat? and here I was thinking it was going to be Bane..... Chris: it makes sense.... who's Batman's worst enemy, what would he fear more, then the symbol of what he's become? What we see here is an extension of Batman's psyche. It's taken him down.... Scared Bruce as a child, and as far as Joker's concerned, it's what drives Batman to pulverize people...... it all makes perfect sense! Loren: Chris, I think you're thinking too hard... Chris: Oh, uhm... okay, ah It was beginning to sound like one of Edward's riddles anyway..... Loren: Uhm.. let's pay attention to the task on hand now? Chris: Oh yah! the giant mystical Bat that's supposed to kill us all! They turn to the bat, (which has been patiently waiting for them to finish their conversation) it's musty breath exhales on them, stench filling the air. Loren empties several rounds into the advancing figure. Chris: being an element of Batman's mind, the only think that can defeat it is Batman himself, our conventional weapons will do no good. Loren: But were is he? They turn and look around. Batman, Nightwing, and Huntress have disappears. Catwoman has returned, stalking onto the scene carefully. Amygalda gets up, starts crying, and scoops up Jim Morrison's body. Amygalda: Poor Mr. singing man, you was funny. I'll take you home now. (exeunt) Chris: Given the current situation I think there is only one thing we can do. Loren: And what would that be? Chris: RUN! Catwoman, Loren and Chris bolt over to Tim, Steph, and Harley. Loren scoops up Steph in her arms. Chris slings the still bound and uncontious Harley over his shoulder, while Catwoman picks up Robin Sellina: hey, I think he's sorta cute, okay? with that they all dash away from the Giant Bat, which has conveniently decided that now would be a good time to attack. How will out heroes escape? Will the Joker be caught? Will Batman save the day? Will we see Nightwing attempt to say "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers" ten times fast? And were the heck is Babs? Next time on: Batman: The Twisted Adventures. -- ~Chris (ever the philosopher) |
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