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Sometimes you end up layering stupidity upon stupidity until you reach some kind of idiot nirvana where everything seems to work out. It’s like the universe – or, in this case, Minecraft – starts feeling so sorry for you that it feels the need to help you out.

STUPIDITY NUMBER ONE

I’m building a castle around all the entrances to the cave system I currently call home. Well, not all of them, there too far away, but I’m going to put glass over those ones so they still let light in, while not being an easy way for enemies to enter my safe areas. That’s not stupid. What is stupid is trying to carry on building the castle walls at night.

STUPIDITY NUMBER TWO

And not only building them at night, but not having any torches with me to help me light the area. Meaning I fell off a wall and killed myself. I ran back and had to find all my stuff in the dark. I ran back home, grabbed my torches…

STUPIDITY NUMBER THREE

…and then came back out to finish laying the stones I had in my inventory. At least this time I didn’t fall off and die. Instead, I ran into a skeleton archer on the way home.

STUPIDITY NUMBER FOUR

I ran away… away from the skeleton and, more importantly, my entrance and ended up on the wrong side of my castle wall…

STUPIDITY NUMBER FIVE

…a castle wall in which I’d neglected to build a single, solitary door. The skeleton killed me and I had to try and gather my tools in the dark.

My stuff's down there... somewhere.

Somehow, though, I managed it. On the way home I didn’t encounter any enemies, but right outside my entrance was the biggest herd of cows I’ve ever seen in the game.

Cows, lots of cows.

I slaughtered them all and now have enough leather to make a pair of trousers. Thanks Minecraft!

So, after all that, I managed to get a lot of a wall built, didn’t suffer any inventory loss from dying and managed to get some leather. Someone up there (or in there) must like me.

A long, long time ago on my multiplayer server I wandered off into the middle of nowhere and built a small statue of my wife, just for her.

I wasn’t sure if anyone would ever find it again, as it was so far from civilisation.

Unfortunately, it turns out it wasn’t far enough. Our buildings have spread far and wide and that statue was in the way of someone’s expansion, so they asked whether anyone knew whose it was and if they could demolish it.

Now, I didn’t want my statue to be the way and I didn’t want to be a dick about things, but that statue has sentimental value.

So I came up with a plan. I emptied all the cobblestone and torches out of my inventory and trekked off to the statue.

I then demolished it.

That’s not the end, though! Don’t cry!

I wandered off into the landscape, found an interesting spot far from anywhere and rebuild the statue piece-by-piece, using exactly the same materials as before.

She's back!

So it’s the same statue, made of the same stuff, it’s just moved.

(And I’ve also built a replica in a new secret garden in my castle grounds.)

Oh, and I’m testing out a new texture pack – a custom version of the Painterly Pack.

The adventure to the north continues…

You know what I was saying in my last post about wanting monster spawns on the surface? Well, on my travels I found a big pit with a sandy bottom. I’d just noticed that the walls of the pit were cobblestone – implying construction! – when a spider appeared out of nowhere. I killed it easily enough, then looked around to see where it had come from.

A monster spawner!

I plugged up the gap and then dug away sand until I found a chest. Nothing too interesting – some bread and gunpowder – but it was all very exciting.

That night I spent my time in a cave that seemed deserted.

Do you see that?

An arrow! I ran around like a headless chicken until I found the skeleton who’d been firing at me and knocked him down into a pit. I don’t think he died, but he didn’t bother me for the rest of the night.

I resumed my travels at daybreak and came across a natural formation that looked like some sort of beacon, so I put some torches on it.

The beacon.

All of a sudden, I felt incredibly lonely. Who was the beacon for? Nobody else is ever going to come this way. I’m on my own here. In this world are incredible sights, peril and adventure, monsters and treasure, so many stories waiting to be told. But there’s only me, walking a narrow path, forever alone. Nobody will follow in my footsteps. That beacon exists now, it’s sitting there in 1s and 0s, never to be seen again.

It seems like such a waste, a world capable of such beauty that nobody will ever see.

I’ve made my mark. “I was here.” But what’s the point?

I moved on.

Another cave, another night.

The next day, a sight that took my breath away.

Randomly-generated beauty.

Who cares if nobody else comes this way? Who cares if I never go back? I crested the hill, I saw it below me, I was there. Let’s just say that that’s enough.

Now… the last night.

Yet another hole in the ground.

I set up my furnace and workbench and made some new tools, armour and cooked a lot of pork. At one point I realised I was moving, though I was working at the bench. Something was pushing me! My heart started to beat faster as I fumbled around trying to regain control.

A zombie? A skeleton? A spider?

A duck.

I’d been pushed around by a duck that somehow found its way into way into my cave.

I’d been scared by flapping, hopping idiot.

(And believe me, I’d been scared.)

The next morning I left at dawn and went to hunt spiders. I wanted their silk for a bow. I only needed one more piece of silk, but the first spider I found didn’t drop one. As I looked around for another, a flaming zombie burst out from behind a tree and attacked. I fought him off, but dropped down a hole as I backed away. One tiny sliver of health left. No problem, though, I had food. Lots of food.

As I opened my inventory another spider pounced.

Game over, man, game over.

That’s how my adventure ended. Carelessness and greed.

My save file had increased in size from 1MB to 48MB. I saw some awe-inspiring sights. I fought monsters. I was panicked by a duck.

A completely different way to play Minecraft, but one that I enjoyed immensely.

Maybe next time I’ll go west.

On the multiplayer server I built a small village, with some houses, a garden, a well and a gallows.

Well, you try making a gallows!

Unusually, though, I’ve sunk some real time into the single player game. I started a new map and found a huge cave system right near the spawn point.

My camp, just inside the caves.

My aim, then, is to explore the caves while remaining as alive as possible. It’s not been easy.

I decided a needed a bow, so I went out at night trying to hunt spiders. I died. A lot.

Burn, baby, burn.

Eventually, though, I got the silk I needed, made a bow and some arrows and started my decent. I went a long, long way – and then died.

So I ran. From the spawn point, to the caves and then down and down and down, desperately trying to reach my dropped items before they disappeared. I took a couple of wrong turns, ended up at baffling dead-ends, had to jink past a zombie trying to eat my brains, but managed to pick up my stuff. My precious bow was safe… but for how long?

I only had one-and-a-half hearts left and no food, so the trek back to my camp was tense stuff, but I made it home. Now to try and get some food before my next trip into the depths.

To that end, I’ve done something I’ve never done before; I’ve started growing wheat.

My farm. I'm lucky there's a waterfall just inside the caves, so I could create a pool.

I’m not quite sure what I’m doing, but it seems to be growing. Hopefully I’ll get some bread out of it at some point. That would be nice.

My castle and its grounds are spreading out across the map.

My castle grounds at night.

This means I’m getting close to other people’s stuff. I try very, very hard not to destroy or change anything anyone else has made and build around anything I didn’t create myself.

I get too close, though – the equivalent of invading someone else’s personal space.

Signs work in multiplayer now.

See, I’ve preserved that excellent TIE Fighter, given credit and even created a viewing platform, but it’s stuck in a small walled area in amongst other bits and pieces I’ve built myself. I need to be more careful in future, definitely.