It took a while, but I found my PS2 component cable, my two Singstar mics and – after a good long search – the little box that goes between the mics and the PS2. I took the blue mic and my better half took the red one. Several hours later we’d exhausted both Singstar Legends and the original Singstar disc.

One thing became very, very apparent over the course of the evening. I can’t sing. I simply cannot sing. Not one bit. Asking me to sing is like asking a blind man to do a paint by numbers. I just don’t understand what I’m meant to do. There’s a bit missing in my brain. I get the right sort of pattern – everything goes up and down at the right time, mostly – but I can only hit notes through pure fluke. I don’t know how to tell what’s correct or what my voice should be doing.

I do have good fun, yes, but it’s somewhat demoralising. Sometimes I wish someone could explain it to me and then I’d be able to do it, like long division. But I think it’s like riding a bike. Either you can learn or if, like me, you’ve got no sense of balance, you’ll never be able to do it.