iPhone

Dealt some cheap heroin to get the $5,000 I needed to progress in the story. Took me a few – very careful – trips, but I got there easily enough. Now I have a new safehouse and have opened up more weapons to buy.

By far the best thing that happened last night was hijacking an Ammunation truck, though.

No, not that one. That one got away.

I found another one that I actually managed to get home and open. (Incidentally, I’m having trouble opening up trucks. It looks like I’ve cut through the doors okay, but the game doesn’t agree. Still, you can retry if you mess up, so it’s not a big deal.)

Inside was a flamethrower.

Much fun was had, in the thirty seconds or so it took me to run out of ammo, set myself on fire and die.

So I did a mission or two last night, including one where I had to drive an ambulance that was being chased by the cops while making sure my passenger didn’t flatline. I remember switching between the buttons (for driving) and touchscreen (for restarting the patient’s heart) being awkward on the DS, but on the iPhone version it’s just another button, just to the left of the driving controls. Much easier.

No, I’m not trying to find ways in which the iPhone version beats the DS version – the differences are mainly obvious and not very important in the general scheme of things – but I thought it was interesting. What playing this game has shown me, though, is that this game needed a spot in my Top Ten Games on 2009 list and didn’t get one. I think my dissatisfaction with the DS last year made me forget just how good this one game is. It’s certainly going to be in my next list of the ten best iPhone games and it’s probably the best game on the system. I feel almost sorry for all the other little puzzle games and arcade games, that once shone brightly but now have to cower in the shadow of this beast of a game.

Anyway, after doing some missions and some successful drug deals I bought myself a new house. I didn’t mean to, but I got confused and pressed the screen in the “Buy” area by mistake. Still, having another safe house never hurts and I was still left with a few thousand dollars.

So I spent all but $66 dollars on coke. And, then, yes, got busted. The police fined me that $66, leaving me with absolutely nothing. Previously wealthy, I was now penniless.

I put the game down for a while and told my wife what had happened – several times, in fact, trying to impress on her the sheer horror of it all. I had nothing. Nothing at all.

In bed, before rolling over and going to sleep, I had to play the game again. There was no way I was leaving myself in that state overnight. What to do, though? I could do a mission, but that might take a while if it was a difficult one. (I only have the one available right now.) So instead I went down south and set a new time on the Go Kart track, winning $100 in cash. Once I’d done that, I got an email from a guy selling cheap weed, so I went over to him and spent $45. And then fate intervened on my behalf. I got another email from someone wanting to buy weed urgently at inflated prices. (Things hardly ever line up that nicely in this game. It’s a very unusual event.)

I very, very careful drove myself over to the buyer and unloaded my cheap, cheap weed… and got nearly a thousand dollars for it. I drove home and saved (you don’t have to drive home to save, but I like to) with $1,009 dollars in my pocket. It’s not a lot, but it’ll set me up nicely.

So, from being rich enough to buy a house, to being completely penniless, to making a fresh start, all in an evening. There’s nothing scripted about it, I made the story myself, but it was a good one. I think Hollywood might even be interested, as long as I changed the drug dealing to, I don’t know, dealing in rare orchids or something. Rags to riches to rags to… well, not riches, exactly, but something. With a Go Kart race in the middle. What’s not to love?

Argh! Argh! Stupid game! Argh! Bah!

No, I haven’t gone off the game, I just keep losing money in drug busts. I’ve lost thousands and thousands of dollars in ecstasy, coke and heroin. Every deal that’s meant to make me a big lot of cash seems result in a trip to the police station or the hospital.

There was the time that I decided to try and escape the cops by driving a huge truck through the park. And the time I was ambushed by a gang of angry prostitutes while carrying a massive amount of smack.

I guess I’m just unlucky. Each failure, though, only makes it more important that I pull off one of these high value deals at some point. I need cash. Lots of cash.

Only had ten minutes with this, so can’t really comment, but it’s smooth and seems to work well. Hopefully I’ll have more to say later.