The Boss Commandments

1) Bosses must not have any unskippable cut scenes before the fight, though pre-fight animations of under seven seconds are allowed.

2) It must be possible to save directly before any boss fight in any game where progression, not scoring, is the main indicator of success.

3) All boss attacks must be avoidable, though games with character customisation can make this harder or easier based on the skills/equipment chosen by the player.

4) If the battle is based around finding weak spots, the number of times the boss’s weak spot must be hit must always be three, no more, no less.

5) If the battle is based around doing a certain amount of damage, the boss must have a health bar or equivalent way of seeing damage being taken (i.e. armour that falls off when attacks connect).

6) The player must never take damage due to an attack they couldn’t see because the camera got stuck behind a crate/wall/etc.

7) In a game with energy/hit points no attack should be able to kill the player in one hit.

8) Bosses must never be allowed to heal themselves fully when nearly dead, though partial healing is allowed.

9) Boss fights should always reward tactics, cunning and creativity over mere endurance.

10) All bosses must be killable in less than five minutes, though fights can take longer when players are unskilled, unsure or underpowered.

MAC Vs. Mac

Just for the record, I know it’s normally Mac, not MAC, but I’m using capitals in my titles for everything. When it arrives, Wii games will be marked (WII), for example.

So I’m not just being a wronghead.

Contact (DS)

I’ve played this for a couple of hours now in total, at a guess, with quick sessions grabbed here and there over the last few days.

My considered reaction so far is: hmmmmmm.

I like it, I’m enjoying it, but I really can’t quite understand why. In terms of combat (click enemy once and relax, unless you want to use a special move) and general buggering about collecting stuff (enemies and trees drop cooking ingredients) it feels rather like an MMORPG. But it’s definitely a traditional single player game when it comes to the level and quest structure. But it’s all skinned in a new, interesting and stylish way and it looks absolutely gorgeous.

I think I fell in love when I first worked out how to interact with the game at the beginning. One of those moments where you’re not quite sure what to do and idly try something, which has a very satisfying and surprising effect.

(Trying to avoid spoilers. Hopefully you’ll know what I mean if you’ve played it.)

Overall, that based one what I’ve seen, it’s a lovely handheld game to pull out for odd moments here and there. It’s fairly undemanding and simple – after the initial hour or so of confusion as you’re tutored in things after you first see them. (Or, at least, I kept being told about things after I’d already tried to use them and had given up in confusion.) And the sound isn’t great or rubbish, so if you’re someone who plays handhelds with the sound off – as I’m sure a great many people do – it’s no great loss.

Really needs a better save system, though. Suspend save’s no good if you’re trying to conserve battery or want to pop into your Animal Crossing town for a couple of minutes after playing.

Six Word Stories

Inspired by that Wired link doing the rounds, stories that are six words long. Here are mine -

America defeated! Maple syrup for all!
He speaks softly to the dead.
Years unloved. He jumped. Squashed soulmate.
Doctor lost TARDIS, eternity in Hull.
Star Wars fan tries force, nothing.
Star Wars fan tries force, something…
Phone battery dead, kidnappers killed child.
No parachute! What now? Grow wings!
Fan forcibly shaved, Shearer was culprit.
Redundant, he lay down, awaited bisection.
Adventure booked, chute failed, God found.
Footsteps in empty flat, I moved.
Moon, howling, teeth, blood… cycle repeats.
Time stopped, we kissed, walked forever.
Dangerous plan leads to graveyard plot.
Garden swing, secrets, smiles, memories forged.

And now, working on a theme -

Bear steals picnic basket; ranger annoyed.
Dog nominal hero; cat catches criminal.
Dog sniggers, but plan backfires ironically.
Pigeon in danger? No, not really.
Cat has gang, lives in dustbin.

And more so -

Dog runs away, makes tall sandwich.
It was the amusement park’s janitor!
“Puppy power!” Quick change the channel!
Lesbian in glasses longs for redhead.
The movie was actually quite good.

Invert Y

Yes, this is the old blog known as My Secret Game and – very briefly – Die Sony Die. I got myself a brand new domain – inverty.com, if you’ve just woken up – and I’ve promoted the blog to the front page. It’s not like there was anything much on the old front page of mysecretshame.co.uk, anyway.

Anyway, should be mostly the same old stuff. A list of games I’ve been playing that’s of no interest to anyone except myself. I may – may – branch out a little and make some posts that aren’t just a record of what I’ve recently done in video games, but no promises.

Anyway, welcome. Different URL, but the same old rubbish.

(I don’t know who I think I’m talking to. Nobody read this diary at the old site and if they did then they’d just think I’d stopped updating it because I didn’t put a notice up before I moved.)